My Rant.

I’m shy right. I’m awkward. The only thing that’s stopping me form being myself is me. I am done caring what other people think of me. If I wanna sing in public I will. If I wanna dance I will. I’m gonna speak my opinion and you don’t have to like what I say, I’m not asking you to like everything about me. I don’t care if you can’t except me. If you don’t try and except me sure it’s gonna hurt but i’m far better off knowing the people who let me in accept me and that is all that matters. I am not myself. I was when I was young. care free had no expectations to live up to. Nobody would judge me. I would talk freely. 

Then when I was about 7 I became shy. I let others tell me I wasn’t good enough. That I didn’t matter and never would. I believed them. Since then there is only one person I can open up to about anything and everything and she knows exactly who she is.  I am furious that I let myself get taken over by this dark, cold tinted glass box. I could see out, people could see in but it was shadowed by this fake state of being.. I was shy and awkward and self conscious. I cared too much about what others thought that I discarded who I was.

It’s changing RIGHT NOW! I will not be taken over by this horrible shadow. I am myself. I figured out it’s better to be judged for being who you are, for being yourself than trying to please people and shutting down part of your personality that could shine. I have realized that I’m important. I matter. I’m allowed to have a voice and it doesn’t matter what others think of what I have to say. If they give me a chance to show who I am that’s awesome. I am not asking them to love me or to be my friend I just want to be me and have at least one person accept me with all my flaws and weaknesses….  other than that one person.. This might sounds like a like what someone would say when they are in love. Sometimes people mistake things that are not true. This is not ‘in love’ love. This is friendship love.

But that one person who knows who she is is the most amazing person in my life. I can not explain how happy she makes me. I’m completely myself around her because she lets me be. I am not judged. I am appreciated. I’m blessed because God sent me this incredible angel whom is there for me no matter what. She makes me laugh and smile and forget about pain and hate and judgment. 

Two hearts make a whole. That’s how they lyrics go. When I am with you I can feel safe and I am whole again. I thank you so much. I just want to say that no matter where life take you and I, the memories we have leave a mark on my heart that will forever shine bright. I could not have asked for a better best friend. These words do not even begin to explain how much of an effect you have made on my life. They do not express how much of a truly beautiful person you are.  I love you, your friendship has literally changed my life. Thank you.

And for those who read this, thank you.